April 2023

Our first loss was referred to as a “chemical pregnancy”, I was 2-4 weeks pregnant and received a call that my HCG blood test came back as positive for pregnancy. We did a second test two days later, and then received the call my HCG never doubled and the pregnancy was chemical. One day our biggest dream had just come true and just a short couple of days our hearts were shattered. We never had any answers as to why, and we were only left with what if’s. I passed the baby naturally at home. 

September 2023

Our second loss was referred to by the medical term “missed abortion” (I despise that term), we found out I was pregnant at 2-4 weeks. The ultrasound looked great in that stage of gestation we saw the pregnancy sac, fetal pole, and heart flutters. We went in for a second ultrasound at 8 weeks needing to see a strong heartbeat but we never did. We lost heart flutters at 8 weeks, but our sweet baby stopped growing at 6 weeks. My body did not miscarry naturally so I had to insert pills to speed up the process. I passed our baby at home that evening, and had contractions for weeks following. Grieving was more difficult the second time because we just could not understand “why us, why both of our babies”. 

March 2024

Our third pregnancy was the hardest as we were still grieving the losses of our first two babies, and now going in cautious with the fear of losing our third too. I found out I was pregnant at 2-4 weeks, seems to be my thing. We did the first ultrasound at 4-5 weeks, and everything looked perfect. Went back for another ultrasound at 6 weeks, and for the first time we heard the strongest heartbeat. Went back for another ultrasound at 8 weeks and the doctor noticed it appeared our baby had Omphalocele. We were immediately referred to the maternal fetal medicine specialist and were awaiting the appointment. Went in for an ultrasound at 10 weeks, the baby was thriving, and we did blood work resulting in finding out we were having a precious baby boy. We named him Brexton Dean. I have the privilege of working for my ObGyn whom I am beyond thankful for. I was sitting at my desk on March 12th 14 weeks pregnant just like any normal day in the office. My doctor walked by and said I think we need to check on the baby let's go do an ultrasound. I was used to getting ultrasounds often as I was extremely high risk, but never randomly we always scheduled them. We went back to the ultrasound room and as soon as we started I noticed Brexton was not moving as he normally did, and his measurements were not where they should have been. My doctor looked and looked then confirmed the worst news I have heard three times now “I am so sorry but there is no heartbeat”. My heart dropped, and everything went silent. I went to my car to make phone calls. I called my mom who lives 7 hours away, and then called my husband. I was completely hysterical. I took a few minutes while my coworkers who have become such close friends came out and let me just cry in their arms, and then I went back into work and continued helping my patients with their pregnancies.  My doctor told me I was going in for an induction that night at 7:00pm. He tried to prepare me for what was to come, but nothing can fully prepare you for this. We checked into the hospital at 7:00pm that evening. Once my mom arrived we started all the paperwork, epidural, and the rest of the induction process. After 20 hours of labor Brexton was here not in the way we had hoped but we got to see him and hold him. He had the cutest hands, fingers, feet, toes, and the longest little legs. I cannot explain what it is like giving birth in a silent room, and the broken hearts that come along with it. We got to hold and say our goodbyes to our lifeless baby boy

When I had Brexton I sent him off to pathology before the funeral home came to pick him up hoping to get some kind of answer as to why this had happened. Weeks later I was packing his things and I received a phone call from my doctor that his pathology results were back. Brexton did in fact have an omphalocele; his liver was on the outside of his body (which we saw at birth we just weren't sure what it was), and he was missing his large intestine. We still do not know what caused this all to happen. We've decided to take a year off of trying for a baby, and we have a few specialist appointments coming up to hopefully provide more answers.